Monday, March 11, 2013

A Self-Referential Nerd Quiz

Write down 12 of your characters (Mine are from various rpgs) before looking at any of the questions. Well worth the wait. I got this from Lemurbouy

1. Fernando Esposito del Torres (Driven Castillian fencer dedicated to the art) 7th Sea
2. Richaud d'Montalban (Acrobatic Castillian fencer who walked the line between genius and madness) 7th Sea
3. Dmitri Aleksov (Fhideli performer-swindler-shapeshifter) 7th Sea
4. Miekus the Bard (Kobold goon with some serious agility) D&D
5. S'diiv (Useless braggart Scoundrel with no concept of honesty) Stars Wars D20
6. Dr. Jan Vekk (Vendel Doctor, pressed-into-service pirate, "sort-of" pacifist) 7th Sea
7. Martin the Farmer (Strong commoner with a hog companion) D&D
8. Ian Forma/Tondra/Chalco (Noble House scion and spy) Star Wars D20
9. Rycar Jaloo (Cuddly Bimm(?) tinkerer) Star Wars D20
10. Basil Pendry (Aggravating Avalon tavernkeeper) 7th Sea LARP
11. Cyrano "Swordfish" Rackham (Quadruple-crossing pirate) 7th Sea
12. James Briggs (Private-eye with Cagney-swagger and a Northern accent) Call of Cthulhu

1 - Who would make a better college professor, 6 [Dr. Jan Vekk] or 11 [Cyrano "Swordfish" Rackham]? What subjects would they teach?

Dr. Vekk would have a lot to offer academically. As a practicing medical professional AND a member of his Nation's ruling council, studying under him would put feathers in his students' caps. "Swordfish" was a clever chap, but until you can get college credit in "sailing" or "piracy" outside of Grendale Community College, you'd be better off with the Doctor. Vekk would teach Anatomy with a bonus focus in how to deal with unruly chaps of Rackham's stripe.

2 - Do you think 2 [Richaud d'Montalban] is hot? How hot?

He's a smoky-eyed Castillian, so he gets some bonus points there, but he's got a wicked lisp, and a consistently madcap gleam in his eye. He was hot enough to attract 3 [Dmitri's] sister, though.

3 - 12 [James Briggs] sends 8 [Ian Chalco] on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?

Briggs was concerned with everyone's safety as well discovering the secrets of the haunted house he was stuck in. He'd likely send Chalco off to get supplies or try to contact outside help. Unfortunately, Ian was known to be overly-Machiavellian, and the crazy crew following him around would cause all sorts of legal problems. Given that every NPC he met would be omniscient, it's likely that Chalco would simply end up foiled and annoyed.

4 - What is or would be 9's [Rycar Jaloo] favorite book?

Rycar would enjoy some sort of Star Wars Farmer's Almanac of junk. It would be three times bigger than his torso, and you could only see the tufted tops of his ears over the pages while he read it.

5 - Would it make more sense for 2 [Richaud d'Montalban] to swear loyalty to 6 [Dr. Jan Vekk], or the other way around?

Richaud never really swore loyalty to anyone. He was always more interested in getting to the bottom of everyone's angles than being somebody's schlub. Dr. Vekk talked tough but he was more interested in the Shmippocratic Oath than just about everything else. Vekk would've stuck around Richaud to keep him healthy and fencing, because he would've though the Castillian was a decent soul at heart.

6 - For some reason, 5 [S'Diiv] is looking for a roommate. Should he/she share a studio apartment with 9 [Rycar Jaloo] or with 10 [Basil Pendry]?

Rycar may be a fellow Star Warsian, but he's too likable to be cursed with S'Diiv as a roommate. Basil, on the other hand is nearly as aggravating to be around, so it would lead to a better sitcom.

7 - 2 [Richaud d'Montalban], 7 [Martin the Farmer] and 12 [James Briggs] have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?

Martin's place for "casserole" (really the leftovers of Martin's critically successful "Craft: Hogslop"). Richaud would call James "Jane" and Martin "Mary" and try to outwit Briggs all night. They would debate about the relative merits of 17th century Thean theatre/opera, and 1920's noir film. Martin wouldn't have an opinion.

8 - 3 [Dmitri Aleksov] challenges 10 [Basil Pendry] to a duel. What happens?

Psht. Basil talks a big game then turns tail and screams bloody murder the moment Dmtri draws his sword. Dmitri starts his usual humiliation conga, but almost immediately feels sorry for Basil and leaves, disgusted.

9 - If 1 [Richaud d'Montalban] stole 8's [Ian Chalco] most precious possession, how would s/he get it back?

Ian's most precious possession was his inheritance, the family business. If Richaud managed to steal that away, Ian would attempt to call in any number of favors to get the capital needed to win it back. Failing that, he'd run interference while his bumbling sidekicks sabotaged Richaud's base of operations. Unfortunately, Richaud would probably out-think him.

10 - Suggest a title for a story in which 7 [Martin the Farmer] and 12 [James Briggs] both attain what they most desire.

A Quiet Day for Watching TV

11 - What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 [Miekus the Bard] and 1 [Fernando Esposito del Torres] to work together?

Miekus transcribes to 7th Sea very well as a kobold who learned musicality from a Vesten skald, then travelled South to distance himself from his brethren in the Schwarzenwalden. He would then have been used as a silly random encounter with a cute kobold voice. Fernando would have been more than Miekus' match, but the lithe kobold's superhuman agility would have kept him one step ahead of the Castillian's blade. After a frustrating half-hour, Fernando would have made peace with the kobold and incoporated him into his anti-Montaigne guerilla-warfare. Also they would have ended up as penpals.

12 - If 7 [Martin the Farmer] visited you for the weekend, how would you get along?

He's a nice enough chap, but he's more than a little shifty, and his huge hog companion would wreak holy hell on my house. I'd be mad.

13 - If you could command 3 [Dmitri Aleksov] to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?

Holla at his hot twin sister for me. When he refused, I'd get them to perform at my next LARP.

14 - Does anyone on your friends list write or draw pictures of 11 [Cyrano "Swordfish" Rackham]?

No, but they aren't cool.

15 - If 2 [Richaud d'Montalban] had to choose sides between 4 [Miekus the Bard] and 5 [S'Diiv], which would it be?

Definitely Miekus. Richaud and S'Diiv would end up tearing each other's throats out. At least, Richaud would. S'Diiv would fail. Because he was worthless.

16 - What might 10 [Basil Pendry] shout while charging into battle?

"Police! Police!"

17 - If you chose a song to represent 8 [Ian Chalco], which song would you choose?

Iffy's Larva Rae, because it would capture the James Bond-esque quality he was going for, and there's not many wealthy tycoon anthems. Except I guess maybe N*ggas in Paris?

18 - 1 [Fernando Esposito del Torres], 6 [Dr. Jan Vekk], and 12 [James Briggs] are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?

Despite James' keen eye, and handgun accuracy, Fernando's honed fencer's reflexes would win the day. Briggs wouldn't draw his gun over that, and Vekk is a "sort of" pacifist. Also, Fernando's accustomed to the poverty diet, so he has no shame when it comes to food.

19 - What might be a good pick-up line for 2 [Richaud d'Montalban] to use on 10 [Basil Pendry]?

"You know, Bertha, I'm only HALF-Castillian." 

20 - What would 5 [S'Diiv] most likely be arrested for?

Fraud.

21 - What is 6's [Dr. Jan Vekk] secret?

His history in a pirate crew. True he was pressed into service, but that doesn't look good in a League Seat-holder. Unfortunately he really didn't have anything cooler.

22 - If 11 [Cyrano "Swordfish" Rackham] and 9 [Rycar Jaloo] were racing to a destination, who would get there first?

Tough call. Rycar would have some sort of jury-rigged replusorlift speeder, and "Swordfish" would have his pirate ship. However, Rycar's technical skill notwithstanding, his speeder would be cobbled together from various junked parts, and "Swordfish" has a host of enemies on the high seas. Ultimately whether either of them even finished the race would be up to GM clemency. Which means they'd never get twenty yards from the starting line.

23 - If you had to walk home through a bad neighbourhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 [Martin the Farmer] or 8 [Ian Chalco]?

Martin speaks softly and carries a big stick, whereas Ian was a magnet for trouble, and was also slightly possessed by the Xeloh. Also Martin's hog companion was a force to be reckoned with on its own.

24 - If 4 [Miekus the Bard] gave 10 [Basil Pendry] a birthday present, what would s/he be likely to give him/her?

Miekus, being used to being kicked around by his other, larger (7th Sea) kobold brethren, would be likely to share his ill gotten gains with Basil. Unfortunately this would mean a handful of glowy green fungus with medicinal properties. Basil would be unamused by the nasty goop and would make the mistake of trying to hit Miekus. Miekus' ensuing escape would level Pendry's tavern to the ground.

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